Oblivion Trading Post Distressed Dad Hat

A Purposefully Distressed Dad Hat (Just Like Your Ex’s Mental State)

For when you want to look casually apathetic about capitalism and your former relationships.

Let’s be honest: Most ‘distressed’ hats are fake—just like your ex’s ‘I’m so happy without you’ Instagram posts. Not this one. The Oblivion Trading Post Distressed Dad Hat is authentically worn-in, just like your patience for basic people.

• 100% Genuine Cotton (Pre-faded by existential dread and poor life choices.)

• Adjustable Strap (Because one size should fit all—unlike your tolerance for nonsense.)

• Perfect For:

  • Hiding bedhead from your ex’s constant lurking (we see you, Becky)

  • Looking ironically cool at protests (or PTA meetings)

  • Passive-aggressively outshining your ex’s new beige life with Pizza Boy

Warning: May cause sudden flashbacks to better times—followed by relief that they’re over.

Size guide